After 2 miscarriages, 4 years of infertility, 5 surgeries and 3 failed rounds of fertility treatment, a miracle happened and we conceived spontaneously in August 2007.  We were over the moon, after such a long time struggling with infertility and miscarriage, our dream of having a healthy beautiful baby was going to come true.  I was convinced everything would go smoothly for us as we had already done the tough stuff, my pregnancy was going to be a dream and with our baby due on 2 May 2008, all we had to do was sit back and watch my tummy grow…how wrong could I be.

On 29 December 2007, at 22 weeks gestation my membranes (waters) started leaking.  Initially I tried to ignore it and dismiss it as normal, but after a phone call to our midwife we started to get worried when she said to met her up at the delivery suite, just for a quick examination.  I will never forget the look on her face when she told us I was 2cm dilated and my membranes (waters) were bulging out.  Our worst fears were becoming a reality..again.  The Doctors explained to us that the viability of a baby was 24 weeks, a baby born before that would not survive, if it somehow did, it would have multiple disabilities and would probably be brain damaged.  As I was only 22 weeks, and my membranes were bulging and ready to burst at any minute, it was highly unlikely that I would make it through 2 weeks; they expected me to deliver within the next few days, if not that night.  In hindsight, that night was probably one of the worst in our life, lying in a delivery suite waiting to deliver a dead baby was in short, hideous.  The doctors also told me the one and only thing I could do was to lie in bed with my pelvis up and head down, and not get off the bed at all, not even to go to the toilet.  So that’s what I did.

Losing another baby was not an option for me, every day in the doctors rounds they would talk to me about my ‘next pregnancy’, as if they had written this one off already.  There was just no way I was going to let that happen.  On 8 January 2008, after 11 dark days and nights, and continual leaking, I developed an infection and started to bleed. I was given a shot of antenatal steroids and was transferred back down to delivery suite from the ward.  A last minute attempt from the Registrar to get me into Wellington proved successful and within 30 minutes we were in an ambulance heading out to the airport.  It was stormy weather that day and as I was still lying with my head down and pelvis up, I vomited all the way from Palmerston North to Wellington Hospital.  I started to have contractions in the plane and have never been so scared in all my life, there was no way I could have this baby in the air.  We arrived into Wellington at 7.30pm, I had another shot of steroids 8pm and at 11.33pm our tiny wee daughter Eva was born by vaginal delivery at 23 weeks and 5 days gestation weighing only 475gms.

The following few days were all a bit of blur.  Coming to grips with having such a tiny baby, wondering how long we had with her, if she did make it would she have any quality of life?  How could this be happening, and why why why??  We felt shattered, devastated and angry, all rolled into one.

Everything seemed so foreign in the beginning, the intensiveness of NICU, the monitors, the machines, the medical terminology, the heat, the incubators, and of course our baby.  But day by day, it became more familiar and day by day we became increasingly proud of our wonderful daughter.

We were told that premature babies have a 3 day honeymoon period where they are generally fine, then after that, when they realise they are no longer in the womb, things start to slide.  We were also told it would be a very rocky road and they could offer no promises of whether our daughter would be ok, or even if she would survive.  We would be kept informed of her medical condition and we would not have to make any decisions unless the situation arises.  As she was born at 23 weeks there was an 85% chance of abnormality, which could be anything from wearing glasses to severe abnormalities including brain damage, but we would cross that bridge if and when we came to it.

Eva had an incredibly good start; in fact one Doctor went so far as to call her their miracle baby.  We were also told she was in the best state they had ever seen for a 23 weeker.  Her lungs were so good, she did not receive surfactant, she was saturating at 98% on room air and was extubated onto Midline CPAP at 15 hours old.  Oh how things changed!

Eva was reintubated and put back on the ventilator at 9 days old; from then on things seemed to go from bad to worse.  She would be on the ventilator for a few days, and then pick up again so was put back on CPAP, then something else would happen and she’d be reventilated again, and so on.  This went on for 4 months and in total Eva was ventilated 9 times.  In between the periods of ventilation, Eva spent 19 weeks on Midline (bubble) CPAP, and 4 weeks on Wellington (Neopuff) CPAP before progressing onto Lowflow Oxygen.  She had 7 episodes of sepsis (infections), 11 blood transfusions, copious amounts of antibiotics, 7 doses of steroids, CPR with adrenalin, fractured ribs from CPR, PDA ligation (heart surgery), Pneumonic lungs, collapsed lungs, 3 lumbar punctures (for suspected meningitis), morphine withdrawals, too many baggings to count, suspected NEC, poor growth, Chronic Lung Disease, Metabolic Bone Disease, Retinopathy of Prematurity requiring Laser Surgery, Oedema, Anemia, reflux and later even good old nappy rash! (that was so severe it broke down to the tissue and turned into a Staph infection).

We almost lost Eva so many times, she was either doing really well, or really bad, there didn’t seem to be much in between.  So many times it was a case of “wait and see”.  All we wanted to hear was that she was going to be ok and that she was going to get over this newest hurdle, but nobody could tell us that.  All they could do was give her the best medical care possible, and wait and see.  Those times were incredibly tough for us, not knowing if our beloved daughter was going to make it through the next hour, let alone the night is the hardest things we’ve ever had to cope with.  Watching our lovely wee daughter fight so long and so hard, watching her gasp for every breath, seeing her constantly fighting the ventilator tube, watching as the Drs and Nurses repeatedly attempted to find veins to get IV’s into only for them to tissue or collapse ½ an hour later, kissing her goodbye as she lay in her incubator waiting for heart surgery, turning to leave the theatre and seeing her tiny frame surrounded by surgeons ready to save her life, and not knowing whether she would come through the operation alive was hideous.

But there were also the wonderful moments too.  My first cuddle at almost 4 weeks old, Marks first cuddle at 5 weeks old, the first time we touched her and her tiny wee hand grasped our fingers, seeing her eyes open for the first time, the pure elation felt when she came through PDA ligation, the utter relief felt when her brain scans were normal, the happiness felt when she came off the ventilator and went back onto CPAP, the excitement of preparing for our kangaroos cuddles, the first time we both kissed her, and of course the absolute pride and love felt knowing that the tiny wee baby who continued to beat the odds no matter what was thrown at her, was all ours was one of the best feelings in the world.  Our little girl was incredible, and despite all the pain and heartache, we felt like the luckiest parents in the world….and we still do.

After 4 very rocky months in Wellington, it was with both sadness and excitement that we said goodbye to NICU and transferred to Palmerston North SCBU.  It was very hard leaving such an incredible team of people who we had become so close to and who had saved our daughters life so many times, but also very exciting because it meant that after such a long wait, our little girl was finally well enough and was one step closer to home.  Eva stayed in Palmerston North Neonates for 2 ½ months, and even though it wasn’t without its hurdles, looking back it really was just a matter of waiting for her to grow and improve ready for the big trip home.  I expressed breast milk the whole time Eva was in Neonates and was very disappointed when breastfeeding did not work out.  As Eva had been ventilated for so long, her pallet had become very high and it proved too difficult for her to breastfeed.  Despite being disheartened, I continued to express milk for our lovely wee girl, and did so for 9 ½ months.  It was hugely important for me to help her in any way I could.

On 23 July, at 6 ½ months old and weighing 4650gms, our beautiful little girl came home! It was such a wonderful day and one we had waited a very long time for.  She came home with lowflow oxygen, which she is still on today however is currently being weaned and will be off it at some stage in the near future.

Eva is now 10 months old, 6 months corrected and is a very happy and contended little girl. We take nothing for granted with Eva, everything she does is amazing to us and not a day goes by where we don’t reflect on what she’s been through and how lucky we are to have her.  Every moment with Eva is precious, she really is a miracle baby and Mark and I are so incredibly proud to be her parents.